My mother told me that it's bad to sleep when you still have negative feelings in you.  So here i am getting rid of it in its raw form.

Dont blame your own shit on other people.  That's right, dont blame other people for the mess you created.  Why do you think not a lot of people want to be your friends?  Well that's a simple answer, you always make them feel bad for something you did.  who the fuck wants to be around someone who always bringing them down.  you  know, i always backed you up, believed in the goodness of you, even when others were hating you or questioned me why I would still be your friend.  I told them that you were a good person. 

yeah, the other thing i hate besides cocky people is unappreciative people.  People have never been appreciative of me for most of my life, so now i draw the line.  I say FUCK YOU to people who dont seem to care that I care for them. 

If you dont want to be friends anymore, then that's fine.  Not to be conceited, but I think it's your loss for losing a friend like me.  You may scoff at me for thinking that I can even be a friend, but you know, this whole time, i've just been trying to look out for you and making sure that you dont do anything reckless and hurt yourself.  How could i have violated your trust when I was casually asking someone if you were okay?


do i ever want to be friends again? i dont know, you decide.


what was meant to be is meant to be. 


a mean and blunt post, sorry.

i've been meaning to write a blog about leadership, but it's been a while since i written something, mainly bc i've been too lazy...

i guess a small update while i'm at it.
birthday was fun, it wasnt like one of the things where it's an "OMFG THAT WAS SO CRAZY AND RIDICULOUS", but it was a very nice chill-having-fun-and-laughing-with friends.  which is exactly what i wanted i'm thankful for all my wonderful friends who planned this surprise dinner.  I do agree with Danielle's post about her friends.  Although i dont have that many friends, if the friends that i have now will always be my friends then i dont need to ask for anything more.

car.  yeah, finally got a car.  FINALLY.  i'm just glad i have a car, i dont care if it's new or old or ugly or whatever.  i have something that's mine and all mine.  it's my baby.  why? this doesnt happen a lot in my lifetime where something is completely mine.  i paid for it and i get to keep it.  it feels awesome.  i guess it does pay off to work your ass off to have a good gpa so schools give you hella scholarships. 

school.  i've never been so lost with academics in my whole life.  i'm not going to lie, it's hard.  i wonder how many people just bs their way through this because i know i do.  i hope my bs doesnt catch up with me in later years and screw me over. 

leadership.
yeah, it's a touchy topic.  I just want to express what I think is a good or bad leader. 
1.  I think a good leader is given respect by others and is able to unite them bc of the respect given.  She does not demand respect or force some kind of fake respect out of them.  others should want or choose to follow a good leader, if not, then the leader is not being a leader.
2.  A good leader must be humble yet confident enough to listen to others and take criticism.  A bad leader? haha well, just someone who thinks he is always right and doesnt care for other's opinions. 
3.  A good leader can lead others by serving others.  Ironic sounding isnt it?  Just like the story in the bible where Jesus washes his disciples feet.  I mean, how many leaders out there are willing to stoop down to the ground to remove a dirt encrusted sandal and wash a feet covered in dust and who knows what else?
4.  A leader's number one priority is the people they are leading.  ALWAYS.  one must forget oneself in order to lead others = selflessness.  Leaders must always take care of their people. 
5.  Leaders should not abuse their power.  alright, well maybe for fun sometimes kekeke, but in seriousness, it is wrong to misuse their position.
6.  A good leader is not conceited.  She must be thankful for and honored by the respect that is given to her.

i will continue later, time to eat